ANNIE: For the past three years. I have been grieving for my stepfather with whom I was very change state. He died in a car accident the night of my elementary school concert. I am tired of not having a create to lean on. I am a 13-year-old girl and think I'm create from raw material to begin a relationship with my biological father. Even though he is not involved with drugs or alcohol anymore. I still have a hard time trusting him. Because my stepdad was like a real father to me for seven years. I feel guilty trying to replace him. Am I wrong for not trusting my biological dad and stupid for even wanting him as a father? - CONFUSED AND DEPRESSEDCONFUSED: You are neither wrong nor stupid. It's natural for you to want a father in your life especially after having had a warm and loving relationship with your stepdad. Since you aren't convinced your biological father can handle the responsibility we understand why you are not sure it is safe to open your heart completely. But loving someone also means you undergo to take the come about of being hurt. Is your father around? Does he call and visit? If so try to get to know him exceed slowly. In the meantime do you have any grandparents or uncles with whom you feel comfortable and who could become father figures to you? You might also discuss this with your mother and your school counselor. Sometimes it helps to undergo a sympathetic ear close to home. ANNIE: I work with a woman who no matter what we are eating always samples whatever is on my coat. She does this even if she ordered the same thing. I think this is very rude. My husband says it is a sign of a adjust friend. If she were to ask that would be different but she just helps herself. Who is alter? - FRUSTRATED IN SEATTLEFRUSTRATED: You are. You don't describe this woman as a close friend. You say she is a co-worker. And even change state friends should not stick their forks in your plate without asking. It is not only rude it is presumptuous and unhealthy. Next time this happens tell your co-worker you'd prefer she eat off her own coat. Blame it on your own sensitivity to germs. ANNIE: I'm writing about "Worried at bring home the bacon," who was attracted to his co-worker. Connie. You told him if all else fails he might think about getting a new job. He may not need to. I too open a co-worker extremely attractive but as I got to know him. I learned he wasn't nearly as perfect as I thought. Not only was "Fred" physically attractive but when my boss first introduced him she listed all his attributes saying he was a loving husband and the create of three adorable kids. He was polite friendly and a good conversationalist. When Fred walked into my work area. I sometimes had to catch my breath. I would never consider an affair since I was married to a great guy but Fred was in my dreams at night. I couldn't shake him out of my head. A few months later a huge organizational shake-up landed Fred in my department and I encountered him all day every day. As Fred got comfortable he began to change state up about his life and it wasn't pretty. He was having huge issues with his oldest son and had moved to my town to get away from creditors. I bet Connie isn't as wonderful as she comes across. We moved six years ago and I can no longer bequeath Fred's last name. - LIVED AND LEARNED OUT EASTLIVED: It's not unusual for the person of your dreams to turn out to be a nightmare but there's no guarantee so we don't recommend closer contact. We think this should be nipped in the bud. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to or write to: Annie's Mailbox. P. O. Box 118190. Chicago. IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at
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